Absence of Fear
by Elistar
Summary: Very slushy Remus Lupin and Tonks fic, one-shot, just a little bit of slush really, don't say I didn't warn you! :)


_**Absence of Fear by Elistar**_

Disclaimer: 1) This is my first ever fic so please offer as much constructive help as you can, I really want to improve. 2) This is not for profit and characters are not mine – no harm intended. 3) Song lyrics from "Absence of Fear" by Jewel Kilcher

Spoilers for "Order of the Phoenix"

Rating PG, RL/NT

_Inside my skin_

_There is this space_

_It twists and turns_

_It bleeds and aches_

_Inside my heart_

_There's an empty room_

_It's waiting for lightning_

_It's waiting for you_

He found her sat staring into the dying embers of the kitchen fire. Her hair had taken on it's natural black, shoulder length appearance and for once she was in her purely natural form. He couldn't help but think how lonely she looked. It had been three months since Sirius' death and he had hardly seen her smile since, although, he couldn't really have been the life of the party either. 12 Grimmauld Place was busy with frequent visits from the other members of the Order of the Phoenix and since Voldemort's return had become public knowledge the Order had been busier than ever. She always seemed somehow distant from everything around her. He couldn't blame her, she was running low on decent relatives and her aunt had taken one of the last ones from her. She had every reason to distance herself but he was still concerned that there was something else troubling her beyond the obvious.

_I am wanting and_

_I am needing you_

_To be here_

_Inside the absence of fear_

When he came into the kitchen he was amazed by how far away she seemed; she didn't even stir until he said her name. As she turned her head he thought how beautiful she was when she wasn't disguised as something else. He always felt privileged that he was one of the few people she felt comfortable enough around to be her real self. It was probably because of his own "disguise" that Tonks felt able to show him her natural appearance.

"What do you want Remus?" she asked, barely looking up from the fire. "You need sleep" he replied, avoiding the direct question he had been asked. "No," Tonks muttered, "I asked what you wanted. You can't just be down here by chance or am I not the only one in the damned house with insomnia?" Remus allowed himself a small smile; even in her current distracted state she was still as forceful and determined as ever.

_Muscle and sinew_

_Velvet and stone_

_This vessel is haunted_

_It creaks and moans_

_My bones call to you_

_In a separate skin_

_I'll make myself translucent_

_To let you in_

He knew it was probably the most selfish thing he had done in a long time but he knew he needed to tell her the depth of his feelings, the real reason he couldn't sleep, the real reason he had listened for her coming up the stairs. Remus Lupin was no coward but he had kept his true feelings to himself since she had joined the order. He had been quite shy at school leaving Sirius and James to chase the ladies; he had quite enough problems to deal with without adding girls into the equation. He had also been concerned about how Sirius would react to Remus trying to court his favourite cousin; he had always been quite protective of Tonks. Since Sirius had gone there had been a void in both of their lives. As strange and bizarre as it seemed, he finally felt now was the time to come clean.

_I am wanting and_

_I am needing you_

_To be here_

_Inside the absence_

_Of fear_

"Tonks, I think we need to talk about something." He started hesitantly, "I have no desire to talk about him so if that's what you want you need to find someone else, I haven't the strength," her words sounded harsh but the tone was resigned. "No, about us." Tonks sat up for the first time since he had come downstairs and said in a confused tone, "what about us? Is there an us?" Remus plucked up all the courage he could muster and uttered the words that he had been frightened of for more than a year, "I'd like there to be."

Tonks took a very deep breath and exhaled slowly, seeming to measure her words carefully before she spoke "do you really feel that this, the middle of a war is the time to start anything and besides I don't have anything left in me to give to anyone else." As she whispered the next words her voice quavered and she seemed weak for the first time since he had met her, "I can't feel anything anymore." He sat next to her on the sofa and pulled her into his arms, he rocked her gently and said quietly "will you allow me to help you try?"

_There is the splendour of this_

_Secret inside of me_

_And it knows that you're no stranger_

_You're my gravity_

_My hands will adore you through all darkness_

_And they will lay you out in moonlight_

_And reinvent your name_

As she glanced up at him she realised that she was looking at something other than a brother, friend or mentor, she was looking at a man who could be so much more. Although it was very early days, for the first time in months she felt the first fluttering of hope and she was content to sit there, feeling safe in his embrace as he gently kissed her on the forehead.

Author's note:

Please post a review if you have any advice for me or to let mw know any general thoughts. It is my first fic so please be gentle! Thanks for taking the time to read it.


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